Ah love, it’s been a bit again. I’m too sporadic as a person to do this daily and Im sorry about that. You’ve been the reason I bothered with today at all. I woke up late and missed a lot and yet…and yet my homework is essentially done, my heart is calm and I am alright. You make my day even when you are not with me and I do not know how I would survive without you <3 I hope you sleep well and I know that I will see you very, very soon.

Oct 15
Oct. 15, 2k14

You asked if I love you, the answer to that will always be yes, yes to the biggest degree you can think. Because you are the things that makes my life worth living, that gets me out of bed and convinces me to at least go through the motions of life. You inspire me to find joy in things I never would have, and to let go the small things. You taught me how to love myself, even though I struggle with it a lot. I will never be able to repay you all the compassion and love you have given me <3 You’re like a miracle to me <3

Oct 7
Oct. 7 2k14

As it would turn out I have loved you since before I knew what it meant to be in love. I have loved you for so long and so deeply that I do not know how to live without my love of you. You are my soulmate and without that I am nothing.

Oct 6
Oct. 6 2k14

I love you, I love talking to you <3 Some days are rough but days like today are pretty great and we have a lot of fun and you make me happy <3 I really hope you get to come down and see the show and Im so excited that I get to be in Eriks show but I don’t know how to react fully XD I love you and thank you for supporting me <3

Oct 5
Oct. 5 2k14

I said I was going to bed, and once again I did not. I love you and I want you to love you and I wish with everything I have that you someday will. I am so afraid of an early morning phone call, of a sad voice telling me that my world gave up and ended. I fear that and it courses through me thick and painful and I grasp my phone, the stupid thing,  and stare at the screen. If you’ve not said anything i send you the love I can in tiny pixel letters and hope that you answer. I don’t breathe on the days that I don’t hear from you. I am afraid that one day you’ll hate yourself more than you love me. I will stand beside you and fight your demons until they lay at my feet if only to see you fall in love with the person I know and love that you don’t seem to be able to see. <3

Oct 2
Oct. 2 (kinda) 2k14

I didn’t have much to say, just been busy. I was glad I got to see you this weekend but it’s so hard to leave. I try to do it quickly and cheerifully but I don’t get far before I feel like I’m drowning. Don’t get me wrong, I like it where I am and the people around me but I feel very empty and very lonely a lot, because i miss you. Late nights like this I just cant help but wish you were laying beside me, holding me and telling me i should sleep. I miss you so much it hurts and it’s only been a few hours. I have to survive it minute by minute because an hour is too long and a day is forever. I feel sick when I remember, we’ve got a long year before it’s over. I miss you. I miss you, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. i miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miis you Im siyou i miss you i miss you im isiis you I miss you I miss you I miss ou I miss you I miis oyu Im issoyu I miaoi
Please hold me. I need you.

Sep 29
Sept. 29th 2k14

Wow. It’s been 2 or so days already <.< Where does my time go? It’s like the week is over before I can breathe but my days last years. I dunno know if I like that. I’m excited though, you’re going to be here later today! I’ve missed you so and I am trying very hard not to just explode with distraction. My homework is done, I’m going to bed, I will face my morning without bitching. Its looking like it’ll be a good day, great after you get here <3 

Sep 19
Sept. 19th 2k14

Today I recovered from being a massive fuck up and things. Today I said I love you a lot and today you made getting out of bed worth it. Today we didn’t hurt each other. Today we did well. Today was long and harder than it should have been for me, and for you I’m willing to bet. I was very tired and so were you and I said I’d make this up and so I did. I love you. 

Today I felt lonely and confused a lot, I felt like no one saw me really and I felt ran down. Tomorrow will, I hope, be better.

Sep 17
Sept. 16, 2k14